Posts Tagged ‘husband’
What Am I Supposed to Do Now?
Dear Dave,
We talked about this. I was supposed to be prepared for this. You said this possibility was a part of the job. But your job, your main job was supposed to be making sure you made it home to me. You promised that was how it would be. You’ve never lied to me before today, Dave.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t know who I am now. Without you everything is confused and grey and it doesn’t make sense. How dare you do this to me. How dare you leave me here to fend for myself. How could you?
What am I supposed to tell Dave Jr and Brock? That protecting an entire city was more important to them than they were? Will they even understand the sense of duty that drove you every day on the force? The same one that made you pass up on the promotions to a desk job so many times because you believed it was a cop’s job to protect and serve out on the street? How do you explain to a five year old that his hero is never coming home? How do I console our seven year old when he wakes up in the middle of the night crying, wondering if the bad guys are coming for him too?
How could you do this to me Dave? How could you leave me here? How am I supposed to go one without you? Where do I start? What do I do? I can’t without you Dave, I just can’t.
I can’t go on without you, I don’t know how.
Missing you terribly,
Carrie
0Of Robbers and Fathers
Dear Carol and Chad and Kyle,
Kids, Carol, I love you so much. I want to make sure you know that. I wish I had something better to give you than a short note scribbled on the back of a receipt I found in my wallet, but it’s all I’ve got and I figured it was better than nothing if I don’t make it out of this alive. I never thought I’d experience a bank robbery firsthand. It’s not exactly what I thought it would be. It’s not what the movies always show it being. These guys aren’t white collar criminals looking to make a big score. They’re just thugs who got their hands on some big guns. They’re desperate and wild, they keep waving their guns around and screaming and cursing at each other. It’s a wonder no one’s been shot yet. I don’t think it’s going to stay that way. That’s why I wanted to write you something, just so you know that, however these last few moments of my life go, know I spent them thinking of you.
I’m thinking of you, Carol, with your honey sweet laugh and ironing my jeans and singing with the radio when you cook breakfast on Sunday morning. I’m thinking of the way you kiss me if you wake up in the middle of the night and how I wouldn’t miss it even once even though it wakes me up and I can’t get back to sleep for hours. And I’m thinking of Chad, starting middle school in the fall and trying out for the soccer team for the first time and asking a girl out for the first time and how it seems like he’s grown up overnight. And Kyle, just learning to walk. I’m thinking of that high pitched giggle he makes when he sees me and how I hope he never stops laughing that way.
I hope I make it out of here alive, but if I don’t, you’ll have this note to know that my last thoughts were of you.
Love,
John (Dad)
0I Will Always Love You
Dear Joel,
It’s Friday night and I am really missing you. You used to take me out on a date every Friday. Now that you’re gone I feel so lonely and sad. I always ask why life can be so unfair. Why is it had to be you who got into that accident? We just started our life as a family and our son is still a baby. How can we make our life complete when you are not here. I don’t know what I will do to ease this pain that I am going through. I always kept thinking of you, the happy moments that we had. The day that I got the call from the hospital telling that you got into an accident and died. My mind went blank and it seemed that the world stopped. When I got to the hospital and saw you I fell on my knees and cried. I was so devastated. I even can’t go near you. I’m telling myself that this can’t be happening, that this was just a bad dream and that I will wake up and see you sleeping beside me, but it’s not. Your mom and dad came and comforted me. I cried and cried for two days straight. I feel that I wanted to die but I came to my senses when I heard our son spoke. You know what his first word is? He said “da-da”. I carried him and hold him tight. I said to myself that you won’t be happy if I ended my life and let our son grow without his parents. It’s been 6 months now since you left but the pain it caused me are still the same. I know you wanted me to go on with my life and raise our kid to be a great man like you. I am trying to get back to my feet, it’s hard but I know that you are always beside me watching over us. I will be strong for you and for your son. I love you and I will never forget you. You will always remain here in my heart even until the day that I die.
Your loving wife,
Catherine
0Honey, here’s to you!
My sweet husband, on the eve of the anniversary of your death I find myself missing you so much. It’s natural, I know, but I still can’t help myself from succumbing to these feelings. They are crippling sometimes, honey. There are days I can’t get through the day without crying. I miss your touch. I miss the way you knew damn near everything about everything. The toilet broke the other night and I almost lost my mind. Honey, it took a long time until I could calm down and figure out how to fix it. You used to swoop right in and fix everything so now without you around I am almost at a loss. I hate to say that I took your usefulness for granted when you were alive, but I think I did. I am sorry for that.
You were my rock for years and now I feel stranded. Baby, our children seem to be doing well but I can’t tell. They seem distant, I suppose going through the same grief that I am. I just wish we were all together. We’re all so spread out across the country; I think if we were together I might feel better. I just can’t bring myself to ask the children to come back home. Ella’s in New York and John is in California, both doing amazing. They really are, honey. I am proud of them and you would be too. I suppose I should be wrapping this us, I am going to visit your grave in a bit. I love you honey. I feel you with me and I can’t wait until we are together again.
With all my love.
0Don’t wake me up
Dearly beloved,
At 3:28 this morning I got a phone call from the hospital. They told me my wife’s car crashed, head-on, with a delivery truck because the driver felt asleep behind the wheel. I honestly don’t know how I managed to get myself to the hospital. It all seems like a blur.
The doctor said the driver suffered few broken bones; he’ll be all right in no time. But you, my darling… you suffered your life. You don’t breathe on your own anymore. I could barely recognize you. The doctors told me that there is no point to keep you alive because your brain is dead. Does it mean that you left the body that I have cherished for the last 3 years? How can I walk away without you?
It’s almost midnight. I sit on the hallway and I think about you. I hold your broken hand for hours this evening and I waited for a sign from you to let me know that you’re still there. They gave me papers to sign but it feels like I am sentencing you to death. You didn’t move your hand…
I was never so afraid in my entire life. I don’t think in 50 years I’d be ready to say goodbye to you. But you’re not coming back. All there is left is this motionless body, but you’re far, far away.
They stopped asking me if I made my mind hours ago. They’re just keep looking at me from afar. I’m trying to force myself to go to your room one more time but I can’t stand the sight of you again.
I died at 3:28 this morning. I died with you, my beloved wife.
Jacob.
0Angry Without You
My dearest love,
They say there are five stages of death. I’m not sure if that’s true or not. I think for me there is only one. Because I can’t seem to stop being angry. Everyday, all the time, this soul crushing rage that makes me want to scream and fight and hurt everyone I see because I know they can’t possibly have ever hurt as much as I do right now and it’s not fair that I hurt this badly and no one else does. I hate to tell you that, because I know you wouldn’t approve. You were always telling me to reign in my temper. Have some patience. That makes me angry too. Because my temper is the only thing keeping me in one piece anymore and why do you have to make me feel guilty about that? I feel like my life is in a stall pattern now. Like time has stopped almost. Your mother and my mother keep coming over and trying to talk to me, trying to clean the house or cook me food and every time I end up shouting at them to leave. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to clean, I don’t want to eat and I won’t do it as long as you’re not here to talk and clean and eat with me.
Yesterday I broke your favorite vase. The one with the porcelain flowers on it that you kept on the end table behind the couch. The flowers inside it had died because you haven’t been here to tend to them in the careful way you always did and all I could think was that it was so disrespectful of them to die just because you weren’t around. And then the hypocrisy of that statement caught up to me and I wished someone could pick me up and smash me against the wall too. Maybe then this sharp, blinding pain I feel in my heart would make sense.
I’m trying to work past the anger, Love. Because that’s what you would want. But it’s not easy. And you’re not around to help make me strong in all those weak moments around so…well, anyway, I’ll try not to let the sound of your voice echoing in my head drive me crazy. And I’ll try not to break any more of your vases.
Love,
Brian
0Should it make you happy…spit on my grave
Sammy,
I’m sorry that what I’m about to say will disturb your peace with your new ‘girl’, but I have no choice. Not any more day, can I stand a hurting relationship. I loved you so much and you knew it. Now that you have ended it all, you have left nothing emptiness in me flavored with painful memories, and each day I live has heavy tones. Since we broke up, every little thing I do reminds me of you. The radio in the lounge plays your favorite song, I remember you even by the furniture in my house. Do you remember your favorite seat overlooking the lawn? The world around me is full of you, but mine is empty now.
Just yesterday, I saw you kiss another girl and made it clear to me that it is over. I am sure you didn’t hear my heart breaking. You said you loved me, but wouldn’t stand to be with me any more. I take all the blame; it is entirely my fault. Today, the doctor even confirmed to me that the cancer I was diagnosed of 2 years ago is doing me justice in a few weeks.
Mark, you were all I wanted and lived for in this world. Now that you’re gone, gone, gone; my world is gray and cold. My world is full of tears and my heart really hurts when I recall all the nice times we had, with the most memorable being our honeymoon. Although my mind tells me it had to end, my heart still hurts so deep inside.
I know you once loved me, but why abandon me at this moment when I needed you most. I knew you were unfaithful but I didn’t want our son to know you as a bad father when I am gone. I had kept the cancer diagnosis a secret from you, since nothing would have been done to reverse the situation. At least I wanted you and our son to enjoy the last moments of my life. Am sad that my wish never came to pass.
I only want to request for a single favor, when this cancer finally takes me down, allow my sister Monty to take good care of our son in my absence. I am sure in her hands; he will get the love I would have given him if I had lived longer. As for you, I know you hate and despise me, so don’t hesitate to spit on my grave if that should make you happy.
Laura
0Calloused Memories
To my loving wife,
If you’re reading this, than I have failed in my promise to come home. Please forgive me. I never wanted to cause you any pain. The road I have chosen in this life is rugged, and I’m sorry that you have suffered because of my restless nature. I wish I could see you smile one last time. I long to feel your soft, gentle hair, run like a stream through my calloused hands. We are so different, and it bewilders me how you can have so much patience for a man like me. Know that it will take time, but as winter turns into spring, and spring turns into summer, you will heal. That part of your heart that I have damaged will begin to forget, and I am OK with that. When you think of me, do not fill your thoughts with the images of a lonesome tombstone scattered with dying flowers. Remember me fondly and fill your thoughts with images of us walking through the redwood forest the day we forgot our map. Remember us laughing while we jokingly blamed each other for our getting lost. This might sound cheesy, but we were never lost. We had each other. I will always be with you as your guardian angel. When you feel lost I will guide you. When you are happy I will rejoice. I am glad I’ve had the privilege to be your husband and best friend. If your reading this than know you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Yours forever,
Jake
0